Despite all of this evidence that we really shouldn’t be searching for a version of ourselves to woo, the most common way that Americans find partners these days-websites and apps-are smorgasbords of sameness. Algorithms allow people to find dates like themselves with brutal efficiency. It might make for fewer disputes, but in searching for your doppelganger, you might be overlooking the people who complement you, psychologically and even physically.

N ow that you know what to look for in a mate, you need to change your dating process to find it. Maybe, on most of your first dates, you ask lots of questions in an attempt to find views and interests you share with your suitor. Instead, you should be looking for differences that will balance the two of you out. Here are three ways to get started: